I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
