I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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