got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
