I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Where did you get a picture of my penis
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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