maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
