The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
