so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
