Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
