i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
