Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
