Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
