I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
