I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
