Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
