My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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