Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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