i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
