It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
