bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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