yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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