So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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