Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
only if we run a train.
done.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
