Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
and she was petting her beer can
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
