this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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