I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we made out on top of his cat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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