i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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