Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
