wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
