i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
