I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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