I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
