Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
