i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
