after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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