my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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