There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
