Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I am available for nakedness
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
