wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
