I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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