Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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