just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
