Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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