at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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