found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
