I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
