The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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