Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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