If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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