respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
