It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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