He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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